Latest posts with tag: "brandon daiker"

  • Let's discuss cardboard

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    Something weird called out to me today from just outside the boundaries of the miasmatic illusion I call my life and the name of it is Nintendo Labo. Labo is a normal word in English.

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    Nintendo Labo is a thing that—like so much of Nintendo's best work—we cannot understand or comprehend until the moment they show it to us. Nintendo Labo is straight up Nintendo, who just sold ten million of their newest hottest electronic gizmo in town and of course have decided they'd like to say "hey watch me papercraft."

    It is a misdirect, a perfect juke, and yet very much not only in the vein of the company's questioned then loved video game decisions, but harkening back to the days of the Ultra Hand, the one-direction-only Lefty RX, the giant plastic Duck Hunt that projected little beams of light on your wall that you could shoot eight years before they made it for your TV. They're toys, goddammit, weird ones, ones that are designed based on constraints, with a little something unusual, a little gizmo in there you never have really seen used like that before. They're first person Metroid, a controller that you can move, a Zelda game that looks like it's a cartoon, a handheld with two screens.

    Nintendo Labo is a thing that was designed for everyone, but as the breathless, offended double-children of the Internet will make sure you know, is best regarded as something solely for youths which do not yet possess their astonishing degree of intellect. This is because pressing tiny buttons while staring into the warm glow of a television with animated characters on it has always been a hobby that is most adult, sophisticated and complex, refined. Not like these... toys for children, these LITERAL MARVELS OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY

    Did you see that fucking RC car bug animal thing move around? It's made out of cardboard and you put your remotes on it and it moves, "i guess somehow." I liked the part when they were like here's a bird and a camera and a gun and a flight stick and a robot and a kick pedal and you can color them with markers and stationary tape. Then they open that shit up and it's like what I imagine is inside an Etch-A-Sketch or a space ship? There's like an embarrassed little flat person that you can make flop all over itself too.

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    Do you remember that time when the newest gameplay innovations at the Electronic Consumer Technology Demonstration Summit involved elaborate configurations of cameras strapped to our televisions and manipulating glowing wands to Hey Ya then propping up pyramids over our game mats so we could watch our trading cards animate? That stuff was pretty adult, pretty in touch with the world, unlike these sheets of transformed recycling.

    If you've visited the web page twice in the last eighteen months, you have a problem, and have likely noticed that I had posted some speculation about the Switch that was really brilliant for basically no time and has been a hilarious testament to how wrong I was, like everyone always is, about this goofball company.


    It turns out that I was actually totally right. I had interpreted super leaked public patents to suggest the Switch would blast an infrared light inside detachable controllers and then read button presses by viewing the areas of reflective coating and watching them for movement with a built-in camera. It just turns out that this patent wasn't for Joy-Cons. It was for TOY-CONs (oh).

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    "Cheap, hollow, and versatile," I remarked, totally presciently, 75 weeks ago, "You could have a controller that has levers on it, one with dials, one with on/off switches that toggle." I think I saw all that stuff in the Nintendo Labo promotional video, which I watched four times while darting my head around in this empty living room, begging for someone, anyone, to answer the unspoken bellow I offer to the void.

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    If I selectively excerpt other things I said, I sound even righter: "We could see maybe being able to purchase... a controller with open [space] on the... side onto which [another] controller... could be attached."

    What if companies start making new games that are specifically designed to use Nintendo Labo toys as controllers! I want to make them, I want to make the toys, I would like to make most if not all of the toys.

    In conclusion, let's all pay $70 a pop for stationary!
  • Nintendo's NX could be a Super Game & Watch

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    Leave it to hardware speculation to drag my ass outta retirement...

    A trio of new patents published today (1, 2, and 3) and dug up by a guy on NeoGAF named Disorientator have seemingly fully detailed the fundamental tricks and functionality of the forthcoming NX—and it’s only a little bit what everyone speculated. 

    Keep in mind that everything I talk about in this article has been gleaned specifically from these (and previous) patents. Just because something is patented doesn't mean it will be used, or that it's going to really be exactly what happens. This is just one Nintendo superfan's best-educated informed speculation-style guess.

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  • Satoru Iwata

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    I tried to write something eloquent here, and found that I just don't have the words.

    So here are some pictures of us as children, with the man who embodied everything that could possibly be right about how to make video games, how to value a team of artists and visionaries, and how to inspire impressionable boys and girls to make stupid websites like this one.

    He will never be replaced.

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  • Happy holidays, lads and lasses!

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    Dear reader,

    It's getting to be about that time of year. All of us have something to do or somewhere to go, whether it's in front of the TV or down the street, or thousands of miles away. Bein's how we're just a few people who run this site, it's probably best for us to take a little break while we all do our thing.

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    So, startin' now we on vacation. Check back after the New Year for another year of articles, some more crude jokes about kissing fresh babies, plenty of Mouth-On impressions of chalky inedible garbage, angry, disheveled rants about points of minor consequence, and maybe even some big surprises. Enjoy your Nintendo tapes everyone, and may the season leave you in only the most minor mental disarray.


    The N-Sider team
  • The top five best video games I ever got for Christmas!

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    When I was younger I almost never got new games. I had to luck out at the video store with weekend rentals, and I had the Hot Knowledge of Nintendo Tape Magazine to assist me in picks—though with the slim rental choices it more often than not came down to looking at box art. You and I both know that before you put a game on that Christmas list you had to have made damned sure it was an A+++ winner cause you were gonna have to play the hell out of it for the next year.

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    It also just so happens that the years during which I was at the really great Christmas present age were also some of the greatest times in gaming history, as the industry was really starting to find itself and make big strides in technology and innovation. I suppose people have vivid memories of that age, and maybe it's for that combination of reasons that I can remember virtually every game I got from Santy Claus. What follows is a little tour through the five that stuck with me the most, a week away from Christmas, a little bit of lookin' back to the good ol' days before we say sayonara to another year. The greatest video game Christmas presents of my life (and maybe some of yours, too)!!
  • Crimson Shroud is a guy on a porch whittling a stick

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    Maybe it's cause of the kind of person I am—and I'm not saying I am necessarily a whimpering, masochistic weakling who craves being witness to the expert display of the skills and talents of others—but I have always kind of been entranced by storytellers. People who create works for others to experience. But also maybe expert tour-guides? Sketch artists? People with plans, masters of their crafts, no matter how small they are. Sometimes there's this guy down the row who hand-grinds coffee, I just freeze in my seat and listen to it and I feel kinda chills or something, I love it. People stamping their little seals on books in rhythm, librarians? I just sit there and listen, I am like, boy I sure hope you don't run out of books. Is this outta line here? I guess we all kind of slip into our own unexpected fantasy trances from time to time.

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    On the subject! It's really hard for me to totally sell myself to fantasy worlds these days, to really let myself go. Part of it is because I try to write, myself, and I can't help but see "the construct" whenever I'm playing a game, reading a story, watching a movie. These things feel different to me than they must feel to others—I very rarely am able to get underneath and feel that Human Part, that exhibition of skill pandering to me, taking me by the hand and saying, come take a look at this. I cannot often sense The Creator behind it. Which is why this 3DS game Crimson Shroud has surprised me pretty good.
  • Wii U secrets: The R3 and L3 buttons don't have names!

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    You know those fancy buttons underneath the left and right sticks on the PlayStation 3 that are called R3 and L3? They don't actually have any names on the Wii U. The in-game documentation via prompts in Nintendo Land and Ninja Gaiden just say "Hold R" with a picture of a stick that has two little arrows above it. I think this is similar to what the 360 does maybe?

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    This shot's from the Internet browser, which has pictures that show the little "press in" arrow. Ninja Gaiden 3 uses a similar graphic. Notably, Nintendo Land never actually shows a picture with an arrow, just says "Press (picture of stick)." Whoa!

    So yep there's no official name. SECRETS

    Thanks for reading all our rump-grabbing Wii U secrets this week! Our regularly-scheduled programming returns on Monday!
  • Wii U secrets: You can message Miiverse administrators!

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    Not long after setting up my Miiverse information for the first time, I decided it was time to spruce up the decor a little bit by jazzin' out my profile message. While I was fond of the original "Do, Re, Egon" greeting, it was time to push the envelope a little bit. With the assistance of my favorite linguistic website, I pieced together a polite and affable greeting I'd be happy to show you, your girlfriend, or your grandmother's girlfriend: "He knew I couldn't wait to consume the battered roadkill off his veiny quim prod."

    I figured the relatively obsfucated nature of the literary stylings would keep it safe from both underpaid humans or underpowered robots, but it was apparently caught within minutes, for whatever reason. I had my suspicions that it may have been due to containing the word kill, until I later attempted to change my message to one that contained the word "farts" and was presented with an automatic message that prevented me from even entering it. Maybe it was the conjunction of the words road AND kill together that allowed it to dodge the filter? At any rate, the way it was handled was interesting: I received a message in my Miiverse sidebar from Miiverse Administration, which stated that my profile was determined to contain inappropriate content and the status was thus hidden from view. The message further stated that after I had read the code of conduct and changed it, I was supposed to send them a message back!

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    After I changed it to the much less threatening "Dinner roll," I clicked the "send message" button in the thread and was presented with a form offering me a series of pre-determined form statements I could give, some of them less complicit than others. It took a couple hours after that, but my profile was unblocked. Later, I posted a picture of Momiji's ludicrously gigantic kimono pillows among other photos which were almost 80% composed of blood and limbs, and received nine Yeahs without incident.

    So yes, these are real people who really see your stuff, and sometimes, they will even moderate your ass into the aether and wait for a reply. Something about it felt neat to me, even though I was already thinking of new ways to talk about my thrill drill exploring the recesses of a vintage golf bag.

    Check back tomorrow for one last(?) coma-breaking Wii U secret!
  • Wii U secrets: The games seem to all have version numbers!

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    Fire up your copy of New Super Mario Bros. U and you'll see it right there on the title screen, next to the prompt imploring you to PUSH 2 TO START even if you are using the normal actual controller that game with the Wii U, on which there is no "2" anywhere. Version 1.1.0, it says! Did you know that other games also include these version numbers prominently?

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    In Nintendo Land, all you have to do is go to the main menu, then click options. You can see it there at the bottom, 1.1.0. Even my downloaded copy of Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge contains a version number, this one also at the title screen. It was 1.0.1, not as good as the other games!! For a while anyway. Today's DLC update that added in Momiji changed the number to 1.1.0, officially as good as the other two games now. What is the deal though I wonder, do you suppose it is a mandate that your game has to feature a version number in a three number decimal-separated format? Has anyone else noticed version numbers in any other games?


    Check back tomorrow for another grundle-tickling Wii U secret!
  • Wii U secrets: The GamePad is packed with goodies!

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    You probably know there's a near-field communication chip in the Wii U GamePad, or that it has all kinds of SUPER SPECIAL gyrometers and gravitational field sensors in it. But did you know there are some other awesome neat craps about it?

    One cool thing that it does when compared to the original Wii is that it has a sanctioned Wii Remote pairing option. You don't even need to press the sync button on the console anymore, just the button on the remote. This saves a lot of annoying headache. But I am sure most of you have already experienced this feature. It is not secret! Ha ha.

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    The Wii U itself is ridiculously energy efficient, consuming between 31W and 33W of power, less than half of that used by the PS3 or 360, according to mysterious Internet sources. The system itself doesn't actually have an official "standby" or "sleep" mode, just a power-down option, which ain't so bad considering what a light eater it is even when it's on.

    The GamePad itself is another story, eating through a fully-charged battery in about three or four hours. But if you go into the GamePad's controller settings menu and tap the button to turn off the screen, the blue light on the controller actually pulses and ebbs just like a modern piece of sleep mode electronics. It's not exactly what it seems, but it's still kinda neat! The screen pops back on as soon as you push a button, but if you don't want the thing staring at you with its bright light while you're doing something else and you can't be bothered to stick the thing back on the dock, it's probably a sensible way to conserve the GamePad charge. Wonder how long it lasts with the screen off.

    Speaking of the dock, there's something neat hidden in there too that maybe you already noticed but it took me a while—there are two tiny rubber wheels in the dock that help roll the GamePad into the proper charging position if you put it on there off-center. The wheels come to rest in two tiny dimples built into the bottom of the GamePad.

    Other fun stuff! When you use the TV remote option, you don't have to press the keys on the touch screen to use the features. The plus and minus buttons control the volume when it's open, for example, and other buttons on the remote can change channels and do other stuff. Wow!

    Check back on Monday for another bowel-loosening Wii U secret!