All manner of features & updates for May 2012
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  • Sakurai you idiot


    You make some sloppy decisions in your single player games let me tell you. It's easy to beat a thing sure but the second you try to do the harder challenges they end up being hard because of frustrating STUPID things.

    Kid Dick at the moment here. Intensity down a level when you die. BITE ME. Half of the shit in the game is "do this at this intensity." Challenges, certain doors, etc. The intensity itself is CHALLENGE ENOUGH. Everything's harder. But they carry with them the secondary requirement of "never die ever." Are you fucking me. I play a level for 15 minutes and die and nope, have to restart completely for this dinky little challenge, because you think "aw he died better make it a level easier." It's HARD but it's hard for frustrating annoying-ass reasons. "Replay everything." Forced replaying of 20-minute levels upon failure is not FUN, it's STUPID.

    You want to penalize me? Fine, make me spend hearts again to maintain the intensity upon death. But do not PERMA-LOWER it and force me to REDO EVERYTHING.

    NOT FUN.


    You do this a lot, MasaHiro, this sort of extreme-fuck stuff. It was all over the place in the Subspace Emissary in SSBB. I think you are OUT OF CONTROL when not being managed by a Nintendo producer. I am not sure you have that "Nintendo sense" that keeps a game accessible and not really annoying. You can be hard without being stupid. So LESS STUPID.

    Score: 9/10
  • Memory Leak Lane: Mario Miscellany

    The Nintendo 64 was actually the first game console I ever bought at launch. No standing in line, I just walked into Electronics Boutique and picked one up mid-morning. I also picked up the newest Mario game. Mario may have started off as a mere plumber who occasionally saved the Mushroom Kingdom, but it didn't take him long to show what a true Renaissance man he really was. By the time the N64 finally gave way to a new generation of consoles, Mario had dabbled in go-kart racing, a variety of sports, unlicensed medicine, board games, prize fighting, art and music, and adventuring—to name a few. Surely he's the hardest working man in video games.

  • Memory Leak Lane: The fog of war

    Nobody is going to argue that the Wii doesn't suffer a few genre gaps in its library. One of those gaps is where the third-person shooter should go. That seems strange to me because really, the Wii Remote pointer always struck me as a perfect compliment to the genre. Thankfully, my trusty N64 can still provide me with some good-to-fantastic choices in this category—and since my game-playing has been thematic lately, I figured I'd play them all in one lump.